My Hunchback of Notre Dame (and proud of it)

1 Jan

I don’t know what possessed my younger sister, but she went & bought a GOLD GLITTER nail polish.  Maybe it’s the in thing for young kids these days, but during my time, I was into nude colors & light pink.

Anyway, one afternoon, she was like, “Jie Jie, Jie Jie, Jie Jie” (translation: elder sister).

And each time she calls me in this manner, I knew that nothing good will come out of this.

Gigi has this crazy look in her eyes as she held up the GOLD GLITTER nail polish & asked if she can paint my fingernails.

OF COURSE NOT.  YOU CRAZY OR WHAT.

“Then at least let me paint your toenails”…. she was very persistent.

Ok, toenails not so bad.  I can still accept.

I never paid much attention to my feet, but since Gigi is painting my body parts, I feel like I have to constantly watch over her.  Not that I don’t trust her painting skills.  I just don’t trust her not to draw any embarrassing stuff on my toes.

Digressing a bit, you know why I’m worried about her trademark “Jie Jie, Jie Jie, Jie Jie”???

Some time ago, she went, “Jie Jie, Jie Jie, Jie Jie”.  And then she did that quick eyebrow lifting thing (the one where you raise your eyebrows & drop them, then raise them again & drop them… but do it really fast & repeatedly).  Plus add 1 toothy psychotic smile to that.

I was home watching tv at that time & I turned around to see her do the eyebrow thing + psychotic smile.  At that time, the gullible me thought that she had something REALLY REALLY interesting.  So I brightened up & went, “what what what?? what exciting thing you have now?”.

Then she handed me a glass of drink.  It looked like harmless chocolate milk, so I took a sip.

Immediately I identified it as Baileys, but it tastes like it was filtered.  Only alcohol & a faint chocolate taste.  I asked if it’s Bailey & she confirmed it.  I told her it doesn’t taste fully like Baileys, but she told me that it is still frozen as my mother had put it in the freezer the previous night.

No wonder taste so weird.  I told her to try & warm it up a little first.  So we went to the kitchen and there was a very VERY VERRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY strong nasty smell.

OH MY @%!$^*#, the smell came from the BAILEYS?!?!?!?!?!

Just imagine you walk past a rubbish collection center & you get a nice big whiff of whatever foul smell is coming from that place.  RUBBISH.  And I DRANK IT.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  Mummy & Daddy said that they thought somebody’s house pipe had burst, so there was a stench.  Even my brother who was in his room, WITH HIS DOOR CLOSED, could smell it.

AND I. DRANK. IT.  And Gigi handed it to me with glee in her eyes.  I still think that she suspects it is spoilt, but just wanted me to double-confirm it.

p.s – I checked the manufacturing date.  It was more than 10 years ago.

From then on, we call Gigi’s twisted eyebrow lifting + psychotic smile -> The Baileys Look.

*shudders*… I can still taste it in my mouth.

Ok, back to this GOLD GLITTER (it deserves CAPS each time I say it as it is horrifying to me).

Gigi didn’t give the Baileys look, but the “Jie Jie, Jie Jie, Jie Jie” is enough to scare me now.

Anyway, the bottom line is, she made me notice that I have a very unique right foot!!!

WARNING:
If you have anything against feet or weird feet or
ugly toes (or GOLD GLITTER), walk away now.

Bubblegum looks like it’s a very affection-seeking toe.  See how it’s tilting towards Mother Toe?  Like going “mmmmmm”… or like a kitty cat who rubs herself against you as a form of affection.

Twisties is always abused from my shoes, so it permanently has a bump on its body.  It is also kind of protective over Hunchback as you can see it leans over like an “umbrella” to provide shelter.  And it’s called Twisties for a reason.  Can you guess why???????????? hehehehe…

Hunchback doesn’t look very hunched here, but it is actually a toe that curves downwards with a hump.  You’ll be able to see it more clearly later.

I guess Baby is the most normal toe on my right foot now.

Now, compare both feet together!

You can see clearly why Hunchback is called Hunchback now.  As you can see the nail is actually pointing downwards.

I love my Special foot as much as I love the Normal one.  Honestly, I hated the fact that I was forced to post this up here… because it will not be my SECRET special foot anymore once it is posted.

My friends think I’m weird for naming my right toes, but I think they deserve names.

Everyone has a special part, right???

Like my friend has a Frankenstein’ish body part, but is too PRIVATE to state it here.

Another friend has a “Hammer” thumb which I am still trying to secretly take a snapshot of that when she’s not looking.

One guy I know has TWO earholes on each side of his face, so that means 4 in total.  2 normal ones & 2 tiny ones.  The ‘extra’ earholes will become super itchy & oozes pus occasionally.  And to prevent that from happening, this guy has to periodically squeeze the ‘extra’ earholes to release the pus (similar to how you squeeze your zits or blackheads).  When he was younger, he was so frustrated that he heated up a sewing needle & stuck it into the tiny ‘extra’ earholes just to punish them for being there.  Then it became so infected that he had to see a doctor.  During that consultation, the doctor told him the reason why there is a set of ‘extra’ earholes is because when he was just a foetus & the body parts were forming, it just so happen that the ear parts did not ‘close’ properly.  Therefore, it seems like there is a tiny opening near his ear.

(O_O)

Wow.  That is the most bizzare thing that I have ever heard.

I know this guy personally when I was younger, but we eventually lost contact because he is an American & went back to his country.  I remember bugging him constantly because I want to squeeze the pus out of his ears.  I know it is gross, but I get this satisfaction when I squeeze the tiny openings & pus just oozes out NON-STOP.  I am serious.  NON-STOP.  It’s like a bottomless pit.  It’s like his whole body is made up of 70% pus instead of water.

I’ll end here now.

Each time I am reminded of him, there is just a sense of… speechless’ness & my brain stops functioning.

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