Do your parents tell you in the face that your mother dotes on your brother the most & your father does on your sister the most, which makes you wonder “then who dotes on me???”
Does your father shout vulgarities when he is angry? Vent his anger on you by picking a fight & when you defend yourself, he thinks that you are talking back to him, so he hits you?
Does your mother feed you insecurities by telling you things like “you don’t be so overconfident & expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to marry you” or “fengshui said that your boyfriend/girlfriend is very cunning” or “your boyfriend/girlfriend will cheat on you“?
Are your parents sarcastic in their words with you? Do they talk behind your back & gossip about you?
Do they call you stupid or fat?
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I have come across parents who are just plain mean. Others are overbearing by keeping a tight control over their kids. Most of them will make it seem like it is their children’s fault.
I think it is because they know they hold a certain amount of control / power over their kids & they plan on using it. This is especially true if the kids are still dependant on their parents & living under their roof, with no money to leave or still taking pocket allowance for school.
And as these kids grow older & have their own lives, their parents cannot break out of this need for power & they continue to pick on their own children. But little do they know, the young ones have grown up & can feed themselves by holding jobs, working & earning a living for themselves. Their children start to feel resentful towards their parents & ignore them. Worst case scenario? These parents age with no children beside them.
Who wants to be with such a mean parent who emotionally / physically abuses their own children, right?
One part of me thinks that the parent deserves the ill treatment. The other part of me was brought up to believe that no matter what happens, they are our parents & we cannot choose our own parents. If we can choose, we will probably all pick Lee Kuan Yew or Bill Gates or Obama to be our parents.
But what if the children were really super naughty or badly behaved when they were younger? Then does this give the parents the right to scold/insult/abuse their children? The answer is a big NO. That does not give you the right to torture your kids. Nobody forced you to give birth to them. If you never wanted kids, then you should just use protection or abort them. Why bring them into this world just to suffer under your hands?
If you bring children to this world, it is an automatic default parent rule that you must love & care & nuture them to the best that you possibly can. If they become an ah lian/ah beng (gangsta-behaving girls/boys), then it is YOUR DUTY to bring them back to the correct path. If they sniff glue or do drugs or any other illegal activities, then you should reflect on yourself & ask yourself if you have been spending enough happy quality time with your own children.
Children will be your one biggest responsibility.
FOREVER. AND EVER. NO MATTER WHAT.
I don’t care if they become a prostitute or a child rapist or terrorist. The automatic default parent rule still applies. And you should be reflecting on yourself & asking yourself if you have done anything wrong or if you have done enough for them.
For the children, if you have mean parents, I am sorry but you also have an automatic default kid rule. You do not abandon your parents. You can try to avoid conflicts with them, but when they need help or on their dying beds, you should still fulfil your duty as their child. If you cannot stand living with them because they are making your life a living hell, then at least pay for their stay at the nursing home or the old folk’s home. But you should still visit them regularly. And if they say any mean things during your visit, just leave. No need to talk back.
I know. Easier said than done. Even for myself. I cannot not talk back to my parents when I am wrongly accused or when they are being unreasonable. But I try to tolerate for as long as I can. If I cannot stand it anymore, I will try & reason with them calmly, if this fails then I will proceed to either (1) lash back at them or (2) call a friend to see if they can meet up, it they can’t then (3) leave the house for a trip down to 7-11 until I cool down. As I grow older, I have learnt not to use too much of Option (1) because sometimes, there is no point trying to make any sense with parents.
This post spurred me to Google “what if I have mean parents” & what do you know?!?! wikihow.com gives great advices on this topic!!! Read it HERE. And somewhere at the bottom under Related wikiHows, there are a few interesting topics as well like How to Deal with Divorced Parents, How to Deal with Emotionally Abusive Parents, etc.
For parents, they have articles like How to Deal with Children who Lie, How to Deal with Your Teenager, etc. Just search for anything you need.
Lastly, I like how that article in the link provided states “Do not get into a situation where you are trying to earn their love, that is not something you should have to earn, you do not have to impress them for them to treat you in a respectable way. Always listen and take what they say as a tip for the future“.
That totally reinforces my automatic default parent rule. You bring them to this world. You love them unconditionally. You do not love one child more than the other because he is smarter. And you do not love one child lesser because they got a stronger character than the more obedient one.
Adrupt end to post for dramatic effect.