I am mentally, emotionally exhausted. I declare that I give up. I really do not know what to do anymore. For 4 years, I watched a person destruct herself. I tried to help her. But she chose to stay with the same man who uses & abuses her. She runs to me for comfort & an outlet to vent her frustrations, and after she complains until she is shiok (satisfied), she runs back into his arms again for more abuse.
What is the logic in all of these????
For 3.5 years, this has been repeating over & over again. Until one day, that guy gave her a smile & a pat on the back & thank her for all the good times, then he left her without a care in the world. Left her to pick up all the broken pieces on her own. And what does she do? She jumped straight into the arms of another guy who treats her the exact same way as Guy #1. And that new relationship goes on for another 0.5 years & still counting.
What is going on????
Guy #1 & #2 introduced her as a FRIEND even after they have an intimate relationship. And they give talks about marrying her & having kids with her, then suddenly they said that they can’t marry her & their feelings have changed for her & give all sorts of excuses, but at the same time, still asking for… … ‘bed’ services.
I am trying to keep my blog PG-rated. Otherwise, this post will contain a lot of crude matters.
Dear Diary, I asked myself so many times. Why the hell am I frustrated about? It’s not even happening to me! Why am I feeling so down & anger & irritated all at the same time???
Is it because I feel that 4 years of time, effort, saliva & overseas sms bills have been wasted on this one girl who cannot learn from her mistakes?
Is it because I am too easily affected by others?
Or could it be that I am just sick & tired of her complaining about the same things repeatedly and claiming how much she hates this & hates that, but in the end, she does nothing about it?
Could it be that I actually care for her that much?
I have a feeling that it is all of the above.
It does make me wonder why the hell do people get stuck in a relationship that makes you feel worthless. Why do you lose self-respect? If you don’t respect yourself, how do you expect others to respect you? This is human nature. If a guy sees that you allow yourself to be used by him, then why not? He will go all out to use you & step all over you since you’re such a good little kitty for him to play with. Any self-respecting person in a relationship like that will leave. They will pack everything they have got & run the hell out of that abusive house. Well, unless the girl has a fetish for feeling dirty, then she will continue to let guys use & abuse her.
The only other reason I can think of is that my friend is possessed. Lord, she is possessed by a devil spirit & she needs to be exorcised right now. BEGONE EVIL SPIRIT. Right now. RIGHT now. Now. NOW. NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW. Even though I am not superstitious or religious, I pray for her soul & her redemption for all her sins so that she can see the light faster. She has to. She must.
I told her harshly today that unless she tells that guy to get the f*** out of her house, then I no longer want to listen to her. 4 years is all I can manage to suffer along with problems that are not even mine. I have been that kind of friend for her, but she disregards me. She has absolutely no concerns of dumping her problems on me while I advised her tirelessly to sort out her life properly. She just wants to selfishly trash out her emotional problems onto me & feel better, then return to a lowlife bastard. She just wants to feel better after confiding in someone, then run back to that guy.
Now, after 4 years, I am asking myself – Why should I stick around.
I really served no purpose in her life. And I finally realized that I am doing her more harm than good.
Maybe if I start ignoring her & she has no more outlet to vent her frustrations on, then her emotions will slowly override her & then she will feel that she has had enough nonsense from the guy & finally leave that god forsaken relationship.
I know I know, Diary. You’re going to say that I am being a bad unsupportive friend. But if you think about it carefully over what I have said, you will realize that it makes sense.
It is like a broken pipe. If there is a choke at the end of the pipe but a hole in the centre, water keeps leaking out & it releases some pressure. The pipe does not burst, so nobody will bother to fix it. But if I seal that hole & prevent the leak, then water will keep building up to the point where the whole pipe will burst from pressure. And then finally, it can be fixed by its owner.
Either that, or somebody please recommend a priest so that I can exorcise the devil who is blinding her.
Lord, she is possessed by a devil spirit & she needs to be exorcised right now.