What exactly is the perfect marriage model?
I was at a tender young child age when I saw my auntie threw a glass at her husband. This was the 1st exposure I had with the tears & anguish involved in a relationship. At that age, it is surprising that I could already comprehend that a couple was having a terrible argument & of course, I was extremely curious what sparked that glass-shattering situation.
I guess that curiousity was brought forward many years to my teenager years & also, throughout my young adulthood. Perhaps that was why I have subconsciously taken on the role of The Observer of relationships. Perhaps it was a childhood trauma that made me extra sensitive towards the idea of relationships.
It also does not help that I am surrounded by stories of infidelity, divorces, separations & weird open casual relationships through my friends or acquintances.
And maybe that is why I am starting to receive questions / remarks like “when are you getting married?“… “you are not young anymore“… “you should have kids by now”.
Are you kidding me?
I have not even taken 1 step towards the idea of accepting marriage as a norm for humans living on earth. And now I have to think about having kids????
Of course when I think about the perfect marriage model, I look at my own parents. I swear those 2 have have been together since the age of dinosaurs. They do everything together, but yet have separate hobbies. Daddy likes to fiddle around with the IT stuff. Mummy dabbles with fengshui & organic food. They have their differences & get into the occasional arguments, but then they always manage to sort out the issues.
Strangely, my own parents’ relationship with each other is not enough to convince me that my marriage will be the same.
The more I get pressurized into marriage, the more it is killing the magic of romance for me. But somehow, I feel that this is the same for everyone. Is it? I guess we always perceive the dating stage to be all exciting & romantic (or at least during the very short honeymoon period).
Even when I was much younger, I would lay in bed before dozing off to sleep & imagine myself dating some hunky famous actor or singer. Then as I get to the part where the guy would propose to me, my daydream would end abruptly.
My mind will draw a blank.
My brain cannot visualize anything after the marriage proposal.
Not even Takeshi Kaneshiro can make my imagination go wild for marriage.
Even when I reach adulthood, I am still searching for the perfect marriage model. There has to be some kind of scientific explanation to show you the correct path towards happiness & bliss in marriage. Something like…
Blissful un-boring marriage =
lots of conscious effort not to take your partner for granted
accepting each other’s differences
GIGANSAUROUS amount of resistance towards temptations
keep the relationship fun & childish
yet still maintaining a sense of maturity & responsibility towards each other
finding a common ground to enjoy activities
yet still having your own hobbies & friends
assload of communication & sharing of stories of work / friends / other wordly gossips
PDA (Public Display Affections), I know there are prudes out there who dislike PDA but I still believe that a certain degree of PDA is healthy. Of course french kissing or fondling of private parts are unsightly. But I still think the occasional hug or peck on the cheek is sweet. =)
There is of course not all there is to a relationship. Definitely a lot more other factors. And it all seems so much… work just to keep the relationship alive, don’t you think?
So, do humans have the ability to be that hardworking & put in effort everyday just to make a relationship work?
Most people I know will probably fail at being faithful. Others fall short in communication. And the rest just got bored in the relationship because it seems like there is no more fun & excitement in it.
Guess I will just have to keep pressing on to find out how to make my own relationship work in the best possible way ever. Or perhaps to reach Lee Kuan Yew & his late wife’s standards. The recent media coverage of their relationship stuck a chord in me. It is always emotionally touching to see an old couple walking hand in hand on the streets. And I guess watching their story on tv or reading about it in the news has brought me some hope that ‘happily ever after’ does exist after all.
Will I get married?
Will I continue to work hard in making things work for my relationship?
Every single day.